I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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