in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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