so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
