Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
