Plan B is the new Plan A
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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