When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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