My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
