I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
from now on my penis is your penis
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
