She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
