i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
