i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
