i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
