I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
