what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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