I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
