i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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