By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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