...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
