I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
