yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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