I look better un-naked...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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