I just threw up on my dentist
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
