So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
