It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
