Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
