Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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