My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
