did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
