New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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