she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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