Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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