MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
