I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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