Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
