Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
