Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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