oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
