it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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