just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
