I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Fuck appropriateness.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
