If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
