Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
