I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
