sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
