Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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