Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
