So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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