She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
