im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
