Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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