Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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