First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Holy sore nipples Batman
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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