Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
