You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
