I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
