Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
