We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
